Feelings |
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Feelings are important. Often we are told to hide our feelings when others say, "don’t cry" or "I don’t see why you are so upset". When we hear the message that feelings aren’t okay, we can be very upset but don’t know why. If you can describe your feelings, it can help you deal with them. Some people may only feel anger but usually there is another feeling underneath.
Are you angry or is there another word to describe how you are feeling? If you are late for school, do you get angry? If you can’t find your shoe do you get angry? If your parents say they can’t take you to your friend’s house do you get angry? If you fall and scrape your knee do you get angry? You get the picture. If you always get angry you need to find another way to express how you are feeling.
Brainstorm all the different feelings you can thing of. Are you really frustrated, sad, irritated, tired, disappointed or bored? Work with a friend or parent to help you. Have fun...over the course of a week, keep brainstorming and adding different feelings to the list. Use the dictionary and challenge everyone in your family to find feeling words. When you are done collecting make a big poster of all your ideas. The next time you think you are angry about something look at your poster. Is there another feeling besides your anger that you are feeling? The more ways you can describe your feelings the easier it is to communicate with others and tell them what is wrong.
How Do You Deal With Anger?
| Aggressive - Do you get angry a lot? Do you use angry words or try to hurt someone? If someone disagrees with you, are you "in their face"? |
| If you answer “yes” to these questions, you might have an aggressive style of dealing with problems. This style might mean you are more likely to be seen as someone who bullies or hurt someone if they don’t agree with you. If you have an aggressive style you should ask for help from a trusted adult. They will help you deal with problems in a calm manner. When you get angry or want to hurt someone you might try: walking away, punching something (pillow) or squeezing something (small soft ball in your hand - as long as you don’t throw it). After a nasty incident, try writing about what it might feel like to be the other person that you yelled at or hurt. Put yourself in their shoes and see how it feels. |
| Passive - Do you look down or try to make yourself appear small? Do you cry or run away when you are in a difficult situation? Do you get nervous about joining in a conversation, so say nothing at all? Do you feel powerless or sad? |
| If you answered "yes" to these questions you might have a passive style of dealing with problems. This style may make you more likely to be bullied or hurt by someone because they may see you as weak or incapable of defending yourself. If you have a passive style, you should ask for help from a trusted adult. They will help you become more assertive and deal with problems head on. When you are in a situation in which you feel powerless you might try: standing straighter and looking up, telling yourself you are worthwhile and capable, practicing a few lines to use when you are flustered such as "Stop, I don’t like it when you..." or "You’re trying to bully me and I won’t take it". You might want to practice these skills with someone. Play a "what if" game where you act out what you normally would do in a situation and then how you would change to give yourself more power and be more assertive. |
| Assertive - Do you stand up for yourself when you need to? Do you help others if they need it? Do you know how to problem solve in a calm manner? |
| If you answered "yes" to these questions you might have an assertive style of dealing with problems. This style means you know how to handle those who bully whether they are bothering you or bothering someone else. You get angry but you don’t let your anger determine your actions. You know how to solve problems and can stand up for yourself when you have to. You don’t use words or fists to hurt someone. You know when to walk away from a dangerous person who bullies and when to stand your ground. |
Is It Really Anger?
Are you angry or is there another word to describe how you are feeling? If you are late for school, do you get angry? If you can’t find your shoe do you get angry? If your parents say they can’t take you to your friend’s house do you get angry? If you fall and scrape your knee do you get angry? You get the picture. If you always get angry you need to find another way to express how you are feeling.
Brainstorm all the different feelings you can thing of. Are you really frustrated, sad, irritated, tired, disappointed or bored? Work with a friend or parent to help you. Have fun...over the course of a week, keep brainstorming and adding different feelings to the list. Use the dictionary and challenge everyone in your family to find feeling words. When you are done collecting make a big poster of all your ideas. The next time you think you are angry about something look at your poster. Is there another feeling besides your anger that you are feeling? The more ways you can describe your feelings the easier it is to communicate with others and tell them what is wrong.